Passion meets Purpose
What is a soul mate? In my opinion it’s someone that you can communicate effectively with, physical chemistry, comfortable since day one, brings inner calm, challenges you, and you welcome facing the world together.
I was asked the question a couple of weeks ago; Michelle can you have more than one soul mate? The question was a little random I thought but before answering I told the caller that I wanted to meditate on it and I would answer as soon as I had an answer that came from my core. As I thought deeply about the question, I began to think about a personal term I have been using for the last year which is CORE EVOLUTION.
My personal definition for CORE EVOLUTION is the core (Your authentic self) of you is surrendering to the most profound evolution one has experienced. It’s the process of leading you to your authentic self. It’s the truth and the acceptance with no judgment of who you are. It’s the freedom you have always longed for and the freedom that you couldn’t have dreamed could be this liberating. Yourself sufficiency, independence and self-worth is essential to the success of your relationship with self and others. No longer are you concerned with perceptions of others or the need of consistent validation. You TRUST yourself! When you are experiencing a CORE EVOLUTION it doesn’t matter if you believe that you don’t trust others or your experience with people is the feeling that echoes “ I don’t trust anyone”. What matters is I trust ME so therefore I will trust my decision because my core is always speaking to me and tells me the truth in ALL situations. Lack of trust is always connected to fear either because someone betrayed you or because someone has disappointed you, often the result is not trusting anyone and believing that everyone will misuse or hurt you. Trusting yourself is the CORE of your deepest evolution.
Evolution is defined as the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to more complex form. It is also defined as a pattern of movements or maneuvers. So you see when you are going through a core evolution it’s a process and its gradual because deep-rooted hurts and fears take time to forgive and let go. It takes time to be comfortable in your skin and not constantly trying to wear the skin of others. A strong foundation is what you need and what you will have if you embrace the process. When things move fast, there’s no room for steady growth. Steady growth can be measured. A process consists of many situations that cut deeper and deeper to the authentic you. The layers of the surface of you are now being purged away and although it doesn’t feel comfortable you are in surrender mode so you make the choice to surrender to it. Remember that we find comfort and contentment in our dysfunction no matter how dysfunctional it is. We are afraid of the unknown or something new even though that NEW maybe the very thing that frees us and will release our pain. The gift is that we embrace our PURPOSE! Change goes hand in hand with evolution. In CORE EVOLUTION, you are fully present in the moment but your CORE is always prepared for the maneuvers that will come daily.
So what does this have to do with the original question about their being more than one soul mate….. Well, this journey that I have defined as a CORE EVOLUTION, I realized that there can be more than one soul mate because we can meet someone at a certain time in our life and they reflect all of the characteristics that I listed above but until we are operating in our authentic self we can never connect with our CORE SOUL MATE. Connecting with your CORE SOULMATE intensifies all of the above characteristics of a soul mate. The major difference is that you are operating from the depth of your soul. You see there is only ONE CORE to CORE SOUL MATE. When two people are committed to being and experiencing their authentic self at all cost and that is the only OPTION they can experience that core to core evolution together. That is the relationship that not only accepts your flaws but often it’s the flaws and how you maneuver within them that makes your core to core soul mate love and adore you from a place greater than anyone you have ever connected with. I have had a couple of soul mates but never a CORE To CORE SOUL MATE and I realize why I haven’t but going through this process of CORE EVOLUTION has caused me to dig deeper, do myself work, embrace the freedom of my authentic self, be patient, compassionate and loving to myself. The two soul mates that I have come in contact with, connected to a part of my soul that was operating at a certain capacity but through elevation and the surrendering to CORE EVOLUTION, my soul is open and walking within my TRUTH! Most of all I am on the road of learning to trust myself and this feels exhilarating and living my TRUTH. I am no longer surviving. I understand that I had to prepare myself so that I could be able to welcome that Core to Core Soul Mate!
Tips to embracing your CORE EVOLUTION
- Acknowledge that you are living a lie!”There is NO such thing as part of the truth, TRUTH stands alone!
- Identify the areas of opportunities to grow. The areas shouldn’t be just what other people suggest but it should be what has been nagging at you for months, years, or even decades. It should be the things that haven’t enhanced you but rather has caused you to stay stuck. Distinguish your thoughts from the thoughts of others.
- Search yourself and choose 9 words that resonate with your core! You will know them by the feeling of peace, rejuvenation, happiness, tranquility, truth and no need to be validated.
- Close your eyes and take a deep breath and visualize the things you enjoy that make YOU happy! Think of those things that you love to do or that you want to do! Don’t forget to explore the areas that make you fearful. In my experience what has caused me the most fear have been the things that have bought me the most joy when I faced them…..
- Instead of rejecting your flaws ACCEPT them! What you have the power to change then go through the process to change it and what you can’t change embrace and love it! I believe that I am wonderfully made by GOD, that being true even the things I perceive as flaws are a beautiful and wonderful piece of my being. Perhaps the things that we can’t change that are truly a part of us aren’t flaws at all but who we really are. Rejecting that is a rejection of our true self!
- If you know who you are, who you desire to be and who you are not, the unknown road will not be filled with fear because the authentic YOU can be trusted!
- Laugh and laugh some more! Better yet what makes you laugh? Laughter takes the intensity and fear out of the situation so that you can reject the negative thoughts that lead to the “What Ifs” Laughter doesn’t change the situation, you still have to do the work required but it lighten the loads and even strengthens you to face it! Whatever it is YOU can face and overcome it!
- Take an Inventory of who you feel comfortable around Who can you be yourself around? Do you feel comfortable around you or are you consistently running from yourself? If yes then write down all the reason why you feel uncomfortable with yourself.
- Be the best to yourself! Be kind, loving, committed, loyal, TRUE, sensitive, courageous and communicate effectively with yourself .I promise you that YOU will attract others that will do the same. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you….
- Immerse yourself in solitude and find a CORE MENTOR
- Remember CORE EVOLUTION is a journey not a destination. Once you tap into this, YOU will be exploring, learning and evolving for the rest of your life until you take your last breath!
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Today I had the honor of being present at a” home going celebration” for the mother of my friend of 28 years. As I sat and reflected on our friendship that had many separations over the years, he would always seem to find me whether I was local or 5,000 miles away! Thinking back he was committed to our friendship and ensuring I was ok throughout the years. He simply knew what it was to be committed. Now it was my moment to be there for him at the hardest moment in his life. I never seen him cry or show any emotion but here we were tears streaming down his face and needing me to be there.
This is a man that took care of his mom for over a decade. He held up his own life to give her a more comfortable life! The respect I had in that moment could never be put into words that would explain the depth of admiration I had for him. I don’t know anyone that has ever done what he has done. He would stay one week with his mom and one week at his home, year in and year out. He took care of her, he made her laugh, he loved her deeper than I have ever seen a son love a mother. In that moment every character flaw he had didn’t matter, he was just the definition of everything we should be as a son or daughter. He taught me a very valuable lesson which is how we should treat our parents and the people we love!
I remember his mom being a strong, feisty and giving woman. It’s funny because he is a true reflection of her. He may have taken a different path than she desired for him but through her passing a transformation has begun and I know she would be ecstatic to know that although he took a different path, he is on a journey that she would support. After all her main goal was for him to be happy, successful, spiritually balanced and reach his full potential.
Commitment is loyalty, fulfillment of a promise, a vow and an obligation, it’s what we look for and cherish in our relationships. Many people can say that they are committed but how does one really know whether it’s true? Consistency and time will only reflect the truth. I have watched this man for several years be consistent and show the definition if commitment. I have come to cherish the small amount of friendships I have and loyalty is huge for me in a friendship. Not only did I respect and have a genuine connection with his mother but I truly have a life time friend in him. A friend that is committed to our friendship and an ability to know how to stand in a struggle with you when the going gets tough, he truly gets tougher!!!!
Today I make a vow that I will renew my commitment to myself and to the people that I love. If you truly love nothing is too big to overcome! Commit, be consistent and celebrate your love in the moment!
We have all experienced a lost at some point in life, whether we choose to deal with it at the present or months or years later, is up to us. I would like to share with you two different stories that have a common denominator and that is lost!
Several years ago a woman experienced a lost that wasn’t a lover, a parent, friendship or a job......It was the lost of her twins. The fact that she was pregnant was a miracle in itself due to all of the female problems she had. She expressed that having one ovary was a sure thing that she would never be in the position of being pregnant with not just one but two babies. She was excited but scared. She shared the information with her significant other but the response was at best "disappointed". She thought this was the one time that he would look beyond his self. Anyhow she began to threaten a miscarriage four weeks later. Sadly her partner was leaving out of town at a time that she needed him most. She didn’t want to be a bother but was advised to tell him about the seriousness of the situation but he still made a choice to get on the plane and leave. She was spotting and cramping all the way to the airport but as women always do, they put themselves last. That weekend she lost her babies and it appeared that her partner was relived so she never spoke about it again. She was angry, hurt, and confused. Several months later she began to battle a very serious health condition. Now forced to give all her attention to her health, she never dealt with every emotion she was feeling regarding her lost.
Years later she was watching a Beyonce special and it bought back every emotion about the miscarriage. As Beyonce sang the song Halo, she screamed silently. She suppressed the tears and felt the anger would not be healthy to submit to. The questions flooded her soul; what did they look like? Who could they have become? Do the babies feel any pain when the miscarriage happens? Are they in heaven? Can they see me? Did they feel love while they were inside the womb? As all of these questions were flooding her mind, heart and physical body, she took a chance and shared it with someone that she hoped would finally support, they didn’t. Not as much as a small hug! She had finally faced what had happened and now the process of grief would now take place. First the anger, the denial, the truth, the pain, the lost, forgiveness and finally the healing. She was not looking forward to this journey but realized that she had reached a “Breaking Point and the only option was to not fight the feelings that were surfacing in Breakdown. She knew that if she could just be humble and be open to the lesson, she could experience breakthrough at some point.
The lost of a parent is never easy, this is the other side to the previous story. You spend all of your life with your parents in some form or fashion. If they are fully present in our life, they birth us, nurture us, teach us and love us more than anyone on the planet. It’s a trust that you will not feel with anyone else besides your soul mate. Although the relationship changes once we are adults and they become more of a consultant and not a manager, the love grows to a different level. Haven’t you ever felt that when things have felt the worst that all you needed to do was call on your mom or your dad? You knew that just hearing that voice on the other end or hearing there voice that you would feel secure and at ease that everything would be ok!
A young lady at 21 lost her Dad, her biggest cheer leader. He was the man that took her on her first date so that she could see how she should be treated by that special one. She remembers often that he was the man that defended and protected her even when she was wrong at times. Of course he would correct her privately but never embarrassed her publicly. He always tried to build her confidence in which she lacked. She remembers a day when she was sick and the line at the store was unusually long, he told her “Baby I will stand in line for you” She never forgot that. Instead of going to the car and letting him stand there, she took the opportunity to spend that time in the long line to listen to his popular words of wisdom. 30 minutes later they laughed about allowing people to go ahead of them because they wanted to embrace that moment. It was truly a heartfelt conversation that she would never forget. Trust me I can testify that she truly loved her father! Why? “Simply because that girl is me”….. 19 years ago I lost my father and it still seems like yesterday at times and I miss him so very much when I need support or just a non judgmental ear!
To lose your children or your parent is devastating. Although they are different, pain is pain. However the positive is that I believe that our parents are leant for us for a period of time and then they transition. We hope that we have learned all the lessons they taught and share with others the foundation of love they implemented in our life daily. I must admit I have a tough time finding the positivity in the story about the miscarriages but I will say that perhaps God showed her that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE! In addition a support system is crucial when experiencing a lost of this magnitude. Seek out a grieving coach, a family member, a friend, and if none of those is an option journal your thoughts, it will help you to hear what your heart is saying and will assist in the process through the journey.
Cherish your loved ones while they are here, no argument,adjustment,unforgivness or anger will mean anything when they are gone!
Breaking up is never easy. Whether its breaking away from someone or something, its never easy.....At the end of the year most of us take a self inventory of what we will bring into the new year and what we will break away from. For the individuals that have had enough of the pain, unsatisifaction, lies, fear and loveless relationships, "Breaking up from ANYTHING and ANYONE Toxic is the only option! The consistent thought of bringing in the New and Healthy is essential to bringing In the New Year!
Allow me to share a story with you: A woman motivated me to write this blog today. She was involved in a 5 year relationship with a man that she had known for most of her life. The ups and downs in this relationship were too many to count however the love and chemistry that she felt connected them was difficult to pearmenantly stay away. Sure they had temporarily broke up several times but they knew it would never be for good. She had been off the market for five years in the prime of her life. She believed all that he had promised and his consistent testament of how deep his love was everytime he showed up on her doorstep or on her phone line ws the truth.
A couple of months ago after yet another short break up, they sat down and both vowed to be healthy, respectful, honest and truly commit this time to growing and sharing their lives together. However something was different for her, she noticed that this time his words didnt match his actions or deameanor. She new him better at times then he knew himself. She asked for the truth but ofcourse breaking up is a process. Regardless of what she felt and what he said, she continued as they always had...She stayed with hope that he would finally be all that he had promised over the years. She realized that the first two weeks (after reconnecting) communication was a one sided. She listened to him;his day and all of his concerns. On the contrare everyytime she went to share her dreams and accomplishments, he interrupted and disregarded her. She knew in those moments that he was not interested in sharing a life with her.
She felt empty through the short conversations and realized that most everything that he had recently stated, supposedly from his heart was a lie. She wasnt the love of his life. She was not his wife to be! She was not a priority that ranked in the top five, she just wasnt a priority at all! She sat on her bed and realized that she had been there with him through all of his ups and downs, when he was ill, took care of him as a woman should, held him through the most unthinkable tradgedy,she went through the lost of their twins and most of all she loved him inspite of everytime he made her last on the list.
She realized that part of the reason she stayed was because she didnt want to be a looser but sometimes the WINNING is in the LOST ! She was now ready to move to another breaking point in the break up process and that was acknowledgement of the truth and having the courage to walk away. Walk away so that she could bring "In the New Year".
I was so proud of her not because of the choice she made to break up but the love she had for herself and the confidence that she deserved so much more than what she was setteling for. She no longer cared about whether it was another woman, a reconcillation with an ex, or not celebrating the beauty in her. It no longer mattered, all that mattered was healing and taking the necessary time to finally get through the process of breaking up and breaking into something NEW, which was her NEW Year!
Its not to late for you to break away from anything that is holding you back from greatness, whether you decide today to have a "New Year" moment or decide months from now,the key is making a deliberate choice!
On February 3rd, 2012, passion met purpose....I believe it is so important to “Live in the Moment.” An example of that is my “In the Moment” encounter with world renowned designer, Christian Louboutin.
Some years ago I was sent a video of an interview Oprah Winfrey had with Christian Louboutin. After learning about his passion and his purpose, I was moved to do some serious self reflection. At the time I was in a very dark place; as much as I am a Louboutin fan, his red sole stilettos were not on my mind. As he spoke of empowerment in relationship to his unique shoe designs, I felt motivated to take control of my shattered life.
I have loved fashion most of my life, however, after experiencing a list of losses and disappointments, I was at the "Breaking Point.” I traded in my heels and fashionable clothes for hoodies with matching sweats with no desire to put on heels or anything that would bring attention to my uncombed hair, dark eyes and weight gain.
The word empowerment led to my transformation, and over a period of time I was able to breakthrough and ultimately breakout into my purpose. My first pair of Loboutins was a gift. Wearing them enhanced my new found independence and the sexy that was buried deep within.
Recently, I attended an exclusive event for Christian Louboutin where he unveiled his capsule collection. Though the entrance line was long, I was not going to let that stop my purpose. A firm believer in the laws of attraction, I was convinced that I willed this experience into my life. Mr. Loboutin and his staff were very gracious. I expressed my gratitude and informed them of my book, The Breaking Point: A Full-Circle Journey "Living Life Beyond All the Broken Pieces, “due to release in March 2012. Upon arrival home, I sent Mr. Louboutin’s publicist the section titled Hoodie to heels, hoping he would approve, which he did.
I also considered what if I hadn't lived in the moment? What if the long line had given way to defeat? What if I hadn’t been watching the Oprah show on that day? There will always be "what ifs" but when you live in the moment, you will never have to ask yourself that question.
Mr. Loboutin’s story about how his passion met his purpose inspired me to continue my personal journey. If you are not living your purpose, you’re not living!